Well Christmas 2016 has finally finished and now we’re looking down the barrel towards 2017, and I must admit, I’m feeling positive about the upcoming year.
Usually Christmas for us is a bit of a mish-mash of visitors, visiting people, the hectic-ness growing every year, accumulating in complete exhaustion. But not this year.
We had our first Christmas away from home, and it was wonderful! Not something I would do every year for sure, as having to be organised is kind of not my thing, but definitely an amazing experience and one I am so glad that we did. We spent Christmas day with some of our family of course, and that was the best! But the majority of our holiday was just the five of us, relaxing, having fun and being without our computers.
For the first time in eight years (at least) I donned a swimsuit and swam in the pool with my children without stressing about them, or what I looked like. That was amazing.
For the first time in twelve months I went a week without any anxiety about anything.
For the first time, we went on a vacation with Sun completely stealth, organic (for her age) in her transition. That was truly awesome!
For the first time we went fishing as a family. We might have only caught fish no bigger than ten centimetres, but we had so much fun doing so!
For the first time, in such a long long long time, I felt like a human again. I felt like my old self again.
And you know what, it’s actually stuck with me, that real, human, happy, life-loving feeling is still there even though we’re back home. While I can look back at the last twelve months and say, ‘Well Chris, you made some pretty messed up decisions and you allowed yourself to wallow in your own sadness, alone and anxious’, I can also look back and see the evolution of my soul. I have learnt so much this year, about others and about myself. Through all the murkiness there’s still a radiance and for once this year, I’m not going to let go of it.